Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The one where I ramble

I've been binge watching Friends on Netflix.

 (Does the blog title give it away?)

Can you imagine if Joey were president?


I am thinking about getting my hair cut, really short.  Not because I think I would look cute with that cut but because "wash and go" is super enticing right now, anything to make life simpler.  Because life really hasn't been that simple lately.

Ross is exceptionally annoying
and whiny most of the time.
Except when he is wearing leather pants.

Losing my mom, two uncles and a grandmother in six months, interspersed with kids dealing with depression, suicide attempts, trips to therapy, life and family changing revelations, some worrisome weight loss, and three of four children now with jobs, are all things that tend to lend to complications.

Not exaggerating. I wish I was exaggerating, but nope.

Phoebe cracks me up
and I love her outlook on life.
Sometimes I wish I could be more like her.

I get up and go to work, come home and all I want to do is nothing.  I've made it through "The Gilmore Girls" on Netflix.

Side note: How cool would it be if the writers of that show would write dialog for me?
That would be amazing.

Now I've moved on to "Friends".  Maybe I'll follow that up with "Lost".

I need Monica to live next door and be my friend.
(except for that whole being a massive competitor thing)
That way she can come and clean my house...
She totally would want to.

My house isn't a total wreck but it sure isn't clean.  Monica would have a heyday.  Dishes and laundry are never ending, as usual, but I can't seem to find the energy to keep on top of it.  (Not that I was super good at that before the complications.)

Mom's house still needs to be cleaned and put on the market. The garages still need to be gone through. I still have things of hers that need to be delivered to my siblings, things that have been sitting in my house for months.  I can do things in fits and spurts but any prolonged ability to cope with more than what title to watch next is pretty much non-existent.

Chanandlar Bong cracks me up but sometimes...
his humor can be mean.
And he's slightly homophobic.

I used to make dinner on a regular basis. Now? Not so much.  And I feel bad about that. In fact one doctor asked if we were eating healthy and I had to laugh.
 Eating?  Yes.
 Healthy? No.
Trying to get figure out what to have for dinner and have the energy to fix that as soon as I walk in the door from work? That just isn't happening.  I dread hearing the phrase "What's for dinner?" It takes all I have not to go completely ballistic on the person who is unlucky enough to utter those three dreaded words.

I don't have a whole lot to say about Rachel.
She is pretty focused on herself.

But Tom Seleck? Those dimples.
He is fine.  Still is at 70.
How is he 27 years older than me?

I have gained back the weight that I lost (no the concerning weight loss isn't mine).  And it's making itself known through lovely plantar faciitis, heartburn and heart palpitations.  I need to exercise.  My head knows this.  My body is basically yelling at me to get moving.  I know that when I do exercise I am happier.

I need to view exercise as my anti-depressant pill because, it truly is.  I know I am depressed.  I just have to read through this post to convince me, if nothing else will. But actually dragging myself out of bed at 5 a.m. to get to the rec center???

A gratitude journal would probably be helpful as well and yet I don't write things down.  Why?  Because I feel like the things that I have to be grateful for aren't as great as what other people have to be grateful for.

How lame is that?
Super lame, I tell ya.

And usually I'm not about comparing myself with others but for some reason in that area I am.
I am looking into why that is...kind of.

What I really love about Friends
is that they are SO good about being there for each other.
And when they fall short they own up to it.
And then they forgive one another and they move on,
and they remain friends.

Also they really make me laugh.
Especially  Phoebe and Joey.

I know that everyone has things that they are going through.  Other people have lost loved ones, spouses.  There are those out there who are battling their own demons.   Some have debilitating diseases both mental and physical.  Some have children who are fighting to survive, others have lost children.   There are marriages out there that are crumbling and couples that are doing their best to keep it together.  Some of those marriages are no longer.  People are out of work and hungry.
There is SO much happening, to everyone.

And again that "comparison" comes creeping in and so I share some, but not all of what is going on and I put on a "Good Face" because that's what I do. I love this poem by Shel Silverstein.  He puts it perfectly...

I need to say that the people in my life are wonderful.  My husband, my kids, my family and my friends have been truly supportive and I am so thankful for them, for putting up with me and loving me through all of this.  I don't know where I would be without them.

Probably in a much worse place than sitting on the couch binge watching "Friends".