On being a mother

Thankful today for the challenge and the blessing it is to be a mother.

Sixteen years ago today a little, okay...not so little (9 lbs 8 oz) boy was laid on my chest, and in that moment I became a mother.

The years that have followed have found me blessed beyond measure with three other children.

I find it a little strange that in that one moment. The moment my firstborn took his first breath that the title of mother was bestowed upon me. Just like that.

In all honesty I do not always feel comfortable in the skin that is motherhood. Often I feel too self centered and hard hearted. I'm impatient and I yell more than I should. I hear or read about other women and the feelings and experiences they have had as mothers and, more often than not, I feel slightly left of center. I'm learning that feeling that way is okay.

Because what it all comes down to is... I love my kids.

This is what a mother does.

Loves.

It is a love that is difficult to put into words.

It is a love that

grows

and

changes

and

expands

with each child that is added, with each day, hour, minute, second that passes.

There is a book that I love called Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado.. I want to post an excerpt because it captures so well some of the feelings I have as a mother.

So, after lots of looking for just the right family, God

sent you to me. And I'm so glad he did.

I'll never forget the first time I saw you...

your eyes were closed,

your fingers were curled in two little fists,

your cheeks were puffy and round.

I knew in my heart God had sent someone very wonderful for me to take care of.

Your first night with me I heard every sound you made:

I heard you gurgle,

I heard you sniff,

I heard your little lips smack,

I heard you cry when you wanted to eat and I fed you.

You're bigger now and do more things.

You can walk and run.

You can play and talk.

You can eat an sing and look at books.

You're not a little baby anymore.

But as you grow and change, some things will stay the same.

I'll always love you.

I'll always hug you.

I'll always be on your side.

And I want you to know that...just in case you ever wonder.

I am so very thankful for the four beautiful spirits that have been entrusted to me. Who make me laugh and cry, smile and scream...sometimes all in the same day.

They are the reason that I am a mother.

And as I attempt to shape, mold and teach them as they grow,

they in turn shape and mold me into a better mother,

into a better person.

And I've learned far more from them than I could ever have imagined.

I look forward forward to years of shared laughter and tears. Shared joys and sorrows. Triumphs and trials. I look forward not without little trepidation but I also know I'm not in this alone. I've got their wonderful father by my side and a direct line to God for direction and inspiration.

These are, after all His children too, and He wants what is best for them. If I look to Him, trust in Him, lean on Him I'm sure I'll become more comfortable in my own skin.

And in doing so I'll become the best mother I can be.