"Mean Mom"

Today did not start off well.

Actually it started off pretty well with family scripture time at 4:50 a.m. The kids went back to bed and I actually got started on the house work that needed to be done.

At 7:40 a.m the kitchen was clean, dishes done, the downstairs was picked up and I had done a load of laundry. Jona was almost ready to head off to school and the other three were awake and working on their rooms.

Then the phone rang. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It was our dentist. Crap. I had forgotten that George had an appointment to get two cavities filled this morning. The appointment was at 7:30 a.m.

Answering the phone the receptionist says "Hi this is the receptionist from the Dentist's office..." I stutter and say. We can be over there in a few minutes is that still o.k.? I was told that it would be. At this point I tell George to hurry up and get dressed while I dash for my bedroom to get out of my p.j.'s because no matter how cute my white tee and blue scrub bottoms are, I don't think that they would appreciate me showing up like that at the dentists. And I KNOW that Stacey and Clinton would hunt me down and humiliate me if I decided to try it.

Jona has informed me that he needs lunch money and is patiently waiting for me to pull pants, a shirt and shoes and socks on. I rush to my purse whilst yelling at George to hurry faster. Grabbing my wallet I remember I have no checks. I do have checks but they are downstairs in the jumble of my office. Thankfully I have $1.75 in cash so that my oldest won't starve at school.

I have given Jillian clothes to put on her body and McKenna instructions to help her get ready for school. "Whose in charge?" Jillian asks. She is informed that McKenna is. As I head out the door I'm thinking things will be fine. That's when I realize that the cars windows are frosted over and I'm going to have to scrape everyone of them down in order to see. (And there are many windows on a station wagon. Yes station wagon.)

I start the car in hopes that having it going will help with the frost even though I know it is futile. I scrape as fast as I can and jump in the car. George is already in the car, teeth brushed and waiting. He is also answering my cell phone. It's McKenna, the informer.

She is telling me that Jilli is refusing to cooperate. That she is refusing to put on the clothes that I have given her and is putting on shorts instead. Something snaps and I turn in to "Mean Mom".

Now "Mean Mom" used to come out far more often than she does now. My oldest son has autism and does not deal well with anger or shouting at all. I believe that he was given to me to help me in this respect. Unfortunately I have not fully conquered "Mean Mom", she still lurks in the dark corners of my soul and at stressful times or times of extreme fatigue she shows her ugly face. It looks a lot like Sully on Monsters Inc. when he is in the scare room and Boo is watching.

I'm sad to say that "Mean Mom" jumped out of that car and was in the girls' bedroom so fast that she almost knocked herself out on the front door when it wouldn't open. Jillian then got a "talking to" (a nice way of saying that I screamed at her) and her hiney smacked (something that again I have tried to conquer but still struggle with...judge if you must). I stood there as she cried and took her shorts off so she could put on her pants.

I'm not proud of this morning. I hate that I am not graceful and loving under stress or fatigue. And I hate that my kids are usually the ones who take the brunt of "Mean Mom".

I am grateful to them, however, for their uncondtiona love and their child like examples. I am constantly amazed that they still love me and forgive me even minutes after having to face "Mean Mom". They will come and give me hugs and kisses and tell me that it's o.k. when I tell them I am sorry. I just need to look to them to see how I am supposed to be towards others when it comes to forgiveness and love. "And a little child shall lead them", well me anyway.

Are you listening "Mean Mom"?