Wednesday, November 26, 2008

"Hang on my little Spider Monkey" or in other words, my post about Twilight the movie

I went last night to see Twilight. I was leery about going to see this movie right now. Not because I didn't want to see it but because I know how I act at movies. And, somehow, I knew that this movie would get a big reaction out of me. And not one that others in the theater would necessarily appreciate.

My review. I laughed until I cried in some parts. Rolled my eyes a lot and I may or may not have even peed in my pants a little tiny bit. But I will neither confirm or deny this.

First lets just say that they got about half of the characters right. The ones that were spot on? Alice (who I loved), Esme (who I loved more), Emmett, Jacob, James, Laurent(he was YUMMY) and Victoria (although her hair should have been more red.) Oh and the kids at the high school they did pretty well. I actually LOVED the kid who played Eric. He was one of the highlights of the show for me.

The ones that were semi there? Edward. Edward is supposed to be very confident and charismatic and you just don't see it in the movie. Well there were a couple of times. For instance when he saves her in Port Angeles was good. But when he's walking through the hall way with her and has to turn and leave. Not smooth. At all. Bella, Bella was alright but she blinked FAR too much and never could seem to remember her lines.

Then there's Rosalie. She is pretty but I wouldn't match her with the description of Super Model beautiful. Her attitude though? Spot on. And I adored her baseball playing outfit. Billy (whom I found exceptionally attractive. He could take me for a spin in his wheelchair anytime) and Charlie although did he have a mustache in the book? He reminded me a little bit of the dude that used to be on the Brawny paper towels. The one that they replaced because he looked a little bit too much like a 70's porn star?

Now on to the ones that were out and out um, hard to take. Dr. Cullin. When he came onto the screen I seriously choked on my drink. It wouldn't have been so bad if the make up hadn't been so horrid on him. On most of them! Towards the end of the movie the makeup was MUCH better. Anyhow. How any woman would swoon over Carlisle would be beyond me. My friend pegged him when she said that he looked like an albino Ken doll.

And then finally, finally Jasper! Seriously every time he came on the screen the theater went into hysterics! Hysterics I tell you. My friend Erin had warned me that he looked and acted a bit like this guy
and she was TOTALLY RIGHT! They could be long lost brothers. Even though were both created by other people. I laughed my butt off every time he came on screen. What was up with him?

Okay on to the actual movie stuff.

When Bella comes into science class? Holdy my nose batman! I'm still laughing at Edwards reaction. He totally looks like he's going to barf. And then when she smells her coat? I thought I was going to roll out of my chair. And I was not alone in the theater laughing. I would say that there were about 60% of the people...nix that....Ladies there...I don't know if there was any testosterone in that theater, that were laughing. The other forty percent were at least tittering or maybe they were pissed off that the movie was ruined for them. I don't know.

Onto the sparkliness of it all. My aforementioned friend had warned me that when they show Sparkly Edward that he looks like he's just sweating really badly. My friend Heather who was sitting right next to me made a much more astute observation. Edward in the sun could very well hide in amongst these people....

When Heather said that to me in the theater I went into another fit of laughter. Because it's SO, SO true.

Cut to the scene of Edward and Bella in his bedroom where she says "I'm not afraid of you" and Edwards says "You really shouldn't have said that." then he promptly throws her on his back jumps out of the window onto a tree and says "Hang on my little Spider Monkey!"
WHAT THE..????????????????????????
Hang on my little Spider Monkey? Did they get approval from Stepahnie Meyers to have those words come out of Edwards mouth? Hmmmm. I guess that they did since she had a cameo appearance in the movie sitting at the counter of the diner working on her laptop. I hope she was working on something that will make the sequels less of a joke and more enjoyable to watch.

The fight scene at the end was pretty good. Unfortunately there was more laughter when Carlisle tells Edward that he needs to stop sucking Bella's blood and the face that Edward makes as he tries to pull himself off of her arm.

The parts I did like? I thought the piano music that Edward played was done really well. And I liked the parts where they played music while showing shots of Edward and Bella talking. That way I didn't have to listen to painful dialogue but could enjoy nice shots of them WAY high in a tree. ( Edward would NEVER take Bella up into a tree! )

I'm probably going to take McKenna to see it at a matinee either today or Friday. Just because she wants to see it so badly and after seeing it I think it's okay for her to watch. I will try to contain my laughter although I am making no promises. Especially during the science class scene or whenever Jasper comes onto the screen.

And I may or may not go and buy my some of these to wear. And if you see me and ask me? I will neither confirm or deny this.


Peggy said...

Shanna- I blog hopped from Erin's to yours after reading your comment to her Twilight post.

Your post about Twilight is SO FUNNY!!! I laughed and I laughed and I laughed... and I totally agree with all of it! Thanks for the great read.

Jillene said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I laughed SO hard at this. I totally forgot about the Spider Monkey thing!! That was SO STUPID!! Who says that crap?

And Jasper--seriously!! Every time he came on the screen I laughed and thought to myself that he needed a laxitive or a glycerine suppository!!

Kristina P. said...

Oh, this makes me want to see it so bad! I can't wait until Friday. My review will be a photo essay.

Spider monkey?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kristina P. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TJ said...

I haven't seen it yet, but your review totally sums up my expectations. Sounds like a lame comedy almost

Erin said...

This is the best review I've read so far! I agree with you on pretty much everything.

the letter Bee said...

Snow Babies! Hahahahaha! I can't wait to see it now. LOL

Anonymous said...

Pretty funny! Great post!

That was totally my reaction about the Spider Monkey thing. :)

Brooke said...

Really! You were spot-on! Carlisle's make-up was done so badly! My favorite hottie of the movie was James. YUM. I also was not impressed with Edward. I did like the scene where he had sunglasses on and put his arm around Bella. That is how he should've been the whole movie, I think. So right about Jasper. I thought of that when I saw him, too! You are super funny.

Wendyburd1 said...

Did you know the actor who played James was supposed to be Emmett, but he wanted to BE the bad killer!

You people have no understanding of a truly great movie. This movie was awesome. Where do I think I gain the knowledge to decide this? Besides my 600 movie collection and almost that from Sam, yeah we have way over 1000 movies in this house, I have seen MOST of the movies from the video store. I AM a MOVIE BUFF. THIS ROCKED and I have NOT even read the books!

muggins mahooney said...

Shanna you kill me! I liked the movie, but whatever. Each to her own. Loved your analysis of it.

Kristina P. said...

Saw it today. I literally gasped when Carlisle came on the screen. So weird. I felt like I was watching a completely different movie than the audience. When they laughed, I just rolled my eyes. I was laughing at all other parts. Ridiculous.

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