Monday, February 22, 2010

"Life is full of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

Last week in our family we had a parting.

Today we had a meeting.

I became a Great Aunt again. To a beautiful dark haired little angel.

7 lbs 7 oz. If those numbers don't bode well I don't know what does. :)

Our family needed this meeting. Even if she is far away. She's clear in Georgia. That's okay. The pictures of her and her mama (my niece) still bring joy to my heavy heart and a smile to my face.

Meetings are so much more enjoyable. Don't you think?

p.s. points for those who can name the movie I quote in the title.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Guess where I was...

at this time last night?

Just take a wild stab....

I was in the ER with my mom. Yep.

Mom had surgery on her left ankle Tuesday February 9th. So me, my sister Angie and my sister in law Cathie have been taking turns staying with her. She is in a wheel chair and can't put any weight on that foot for 6 to 8 weeks.

Her surgery was two days before Pam died. Pam was supposed to come and take a turn with mom the Friday that she didn't wake up.

Needless to say it's been seriously crazy. Well last night my sil Cathie was staying with her. At 8 o'clock I get a phone call from her just as I'm putting the kids to bed. This is how the phone call went.
Cathie..."Whatcha doing?"
Me... "Not much"
Cathie...."Can you come over here right now?"
Me...."Yes." Click.

I told the kids to get themselves in bed and ran out the door. I knew something was wrong. I said a very fervent prayer for help to be able to deal with whatever was going on over at my Mom's house.

I did 45 mph in a 25 mph zone.

When I got there Cathie called from in the bathroom. My mom had passed out. She had come too and Cathie had left her for a moment to call me because she couldn't get her off of the toilet.

We ended up calling 911 because she just kept going downhill. She was very pail and clammy. She would respond to us but she didn't really know what was going on.

Her blood pressure had bottomed out. I'm sure some of it was from everything that has been happening with Pam. I'm not sure how much has hit her because she has had to be on pain meds for her leg.

Thankfully she was only in the ER for about three hours and then they sent her home. She is doing much better now.

It was scary. But I felt a sense of calm that I'm sure wouldn't have been there if I hadn't offered up that prayer.

Prayers are heard and answered. They really are.

Now I could use a few days of re-cooperation time where nothing major happens. That would be really, really nice.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

To Say Goodbye

To my amazing, beautiful, sweet sister...

Is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

Many of you have expressed here and elsewhere how you wish there was more that you could do than just leave a comment.

There is. If you are willing.

And it really isn't hard.

Please, please, please. If you have anyone. ANYONE you love dearly. Drive to their house, pick up the phone, type up an email or a text....

And tell them you love them today. Hug them. Tell them just how important they are to you in your life and how much they mean. Tell them how wonderful they are. Tell them "Thank you" for all of the big and little things that they have done for you.

And then? Do it again. And again and again and again. Say all of these things on a regular basis.

That's all you have to do.

That way when it comes time for you to say goodbye to them you won't have to wonder if they knew how you felt about them. You won't wonder if they knew just how big of a part they played in your life. You won't wonder if they knew how important they were to you.

Are you still here? This post is over. Now go! Go and do.

Friday, February 12, 2010

I don't even know how to begin...

This morning as I wrote Love on my arm, took pictures of it and posted it here I never dreamed how close everything that To Write Love On Her Arms stands for would hit close to home.

It didn't just hit close to home.

It exploded. In a nuclear way.

And my day that began with writing Love on my arm quickly turned to devastation.

My oldest sister.
The one in whose wedding I was the flower girl at the tender age of 5.
The one who took me to get my ears pierced before my mom would let me.
Who I loved and looked up too.
Who struggled with depression, anxiety, chronic headaches and fibromyalgia.
Who, sadly, battled an addiction to pain meds.
Did not wake up this morning.

She is gone.

The word Love. It is still there. On my arm.

My sister? Is gone.

It has been an extremely emotionally trying and draining day. I was the one who had to tell my Mom that her oldest child was gone. She was supposed to have been staying the night with Mom tonight. And she is not. She is gone.

I know. I know. She is not really gone. She still lives on but...

I am dealing with so many different emotions swirling and pulling and tugging and tearing at me. I don't even know where to place them or how to name them.

I don't even know how to begin.

To Write Love on Her Arms

My husband found this group on FB and I joined and I am participating....

I went to their official site and I think it's an incredible group.
I love their Vision Statement. It begins like this,

"The vision is that we actually believe these things…

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters."

Seriously how amazing is that?

If you want to read the whole statement you can go HERE it really is worth a few minutes of your time to go and read the whole thing.

My life had been affected by depression, addiction, suicide and cutting.
All things that this group focuses on.

So I took a few minutes and wrote love on my arm.

Are you as excited as we are???

About this...
My kids can hardly wait for the opening ceremonies. Especially Jona. It's a big wish of his that the Olympics will come back to Utah someday. It's one of mine too. Wouldn't that be cool???

So tonight you know where you'll find me.

Well after attending Couples Yoga with Tyran. (I would totally put a link to the couples yoga class that I am attending but there doesn't seem to be anything about it online. So it's at 6 p.m. on Friday at the local rec center. If you want more info email me.)

I'll be snuggled down on the couch with my kiddo's enjoying the opening ceremonies.

Will you?

(and I'm sure you may be a bit confused about my excitement about the Olympics after my post about the Super Bowl....or maybe not. But the Olympics are COOL! The Super Bowl is not.)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

front [fruhnt] :

1. ( v ) To pretend you are someone you are not. Put on a fake or false personality; not keeping it real.

In this blogging community I often read posts about how other bloggers dislike reading blogs where everything is perfect. You know the blogs that I am talking about.

The I have have perfect kids, a perfect house, I am happy all the time, I have the best husband in the world and we have a fabulous s.e.x. life, Blogs.

(Okay I know there aren't a lot of blog posts about the s.e.x life part but it helps you get the idea)

I have pondered on this. I have wondered why women feel the need to put themselves forward in such a manner. Especially if it is a front. Is it because it makes them feel better about themselves? Is it because if they write it then it must be true? Does it make them feel superior?

Then....I have wondered, maybe, if my blog comes across in such a manner. And I have thought, if it does come across this way, why is that?

Just let me say, right here and now....I do not have a perfect family.
I do not come from perfect family. I do not share everything here on this blog. What I do share I try to make upbeat. So why is that? Why? Well let me tell you what I think.

I am the seventh of 8 children. There is a five year gap between myself and the next oldest child. So my younger brother and I could be considered "tail enders". There are 13 years between me and my oldest sibling. Some of those older siblings made choices that weren't so great. Those choices caused my mom and dad a lot of pain and heartache.

I silently watched that pain and that heartache and at a very young age made the decision that I never wanted to do anything that would add to any tears to the ones that my parents had already shed.

I know you are thinking "What in the world does this have to do with anything about anything about blogging or 'fronting' for that matter?"

It has to do with it because the reason that I try to post things that are upbeat and happy is because I don't want to cause any pain or heartache to anyone out there because of something that I post. It's not because I want you all to think that I have a perfect life or that I am happy all the time. It's because I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to hurt.

Weird I know but true.

I do try to keep it real. I really do but I also don't want to be a "Debby Downer" or focus on the negative. I have people that I know who do this and it can take over your whole life. It's horrible. And I know that if I let myself I could totally go down that road. Completely. Trust me on this.

Hopefully you can sense that I am trying to be real and not put on a front. Sometimes I wish I could share more but I don't feel that would be wise. To me this is a very personal blog and I do share a lot of myself with you and as Kathleen Kelly would say..."Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal. " Don't you think?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Where is the LOVE???

Where is the love North Dakota, Wyoming, New Mexico, Mississippi and Alaska????? Where???

At least one person from every other state in the Union has visited me....according to Google Analytics. But not you five.

What's up with that?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ten Reasons Why Super Bowl Sunday means nil at our House

  1. My husband is not a big sports fan. Sports of any kind.
  2. Although I do enjoy an occasional college ball (Go University of Utah!!) game I do not care for professional sports.
  3. Especially if they are on the television. I can see the fun of actually going to a game and enjoying the "ambiance" that is there but watching it on tv is boring to me.
  4. Much of this stems from my youth and in having only one tv on in the house and Sundays it was football....all. freaking. day.
  5. I grew up back in the day when they had the instant replay for every. single. play. And it seemed like one football game took seven or eight hours to play. Gah. It could have been more than one football game and my seven year old self wasn't aware of that but it seemed like they were interminably (am I using that word right? off to Google....yes, I am) long.
  6. It's on a Sunday. Not that all we do is sit around singing hymns and reading spiritual things on Sunday. Far from it. I just dislike that it's on the Sabbath. (Hypocritical much?)
  7. I have a fairly low regard for professional athletes in general it seems like they sell their souls to be able to play a game for money. And in doing so they think this elevates them to the status of Gods and they can do whatever they please. Can you say O.J. and Tiger?
  8. The cheerleaders wear far too little clothing.
  9. I eat too much junk food as it is. I don't need another reason to have a table full of chips, cheese balls and soda to put in my mouth and add to my already sizable girth.
  10. Wardrobe Malfunctions
I do enjoy the commercials but now with YouTube I can enjoy them the next day. So I'm not missing out.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Why I will most likely never read another Stephen King novel

I used to love Stephen King! Loved reading Christine, Pet Cemetery, Cujo. I found them terrifying and intriguing at the same time. I haven't read anything of his for years and years though, until this past week.

I saw something about his most recent book "Under the Dome" and thought it sounded interesting so I put my name on the list for it at the local library. It came in, I picked it up and set to reading...ready for a good thrill. What I found was completely different.

What I found was horrible language and even more horrid situations. I guess I should have realized that "times have changed" but I was floored at the language that was in this book. I'm pretty sure I live a VERY sheltered life because I wasn't aware that there were people out there that actually speak with such vulgarity.

I also should have remembered that he is a "Horror" writer. I did finish the book because I did want to find see how it ended but I probably won't be picking up another one of his novels anytime soon.

My husband asked me what I thought of it and I told him that I was grateful that Mr. King has found an outlet for all of this horror in his writing because if he hadn't I wouldn't want him out in society. He's has a very frightening mind. I feel the same way about Quinton Tarantino and his movies.

I know that there are people out there that enjoy Mr. King's writing and Mr. Tarantino's movies but they are not my cup of tea. Not at all.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Speed of Dark - A book review (and some clarification)

First off let me clarify from my last post. My hair is NOT completely white and when I said that there is just a little bit of color left in it I meant the color that came from a box. I still have quite a bit of darker hair that is up there with the gray. I WISH I could go straight to white overnight but unfortunately that's not going to happen. Okay now that's out of the way...

I've been reading a bit lately and there's one that I just absolutely loved.

The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon

This book is about an autistic man, Lou Arrendale, who is presented with the chance be "cured" of his Autism. It is set in the future where Autism is cured in the womb and Lou is in a group of the few adult Autists left and the new manager of their area wants them to be part of a test group to see if adults who have Autism can be cured.

As the mother of a child who has Autism this was an amazing read for me. Ms. Moon is able to climb inside the brain of an Autist and presents him in a way that helped me learn more about my own son and others who have this struggle.

There is a part in there where Lou is contemplating the story in the Bible where Jesus heals the man at the Pool of Bethesda. It is insightful, amazing, touching and incredibly thought provoking.

If you have a child that has Autism or if you know someone that has Autism this may be a book you want to pick up.

The last part of the book was incredibly hard for me to read and I was in tears on the last two pages because Lou's story runs very parallel to my own son's and what he wants to do with his life.

I'm sure this book isn't for everyone but I found it an intriguing look into the life of this man and into Autism. I think that you will too.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Young at heart if not in hair

When I posed this question the other day it was because it's been something that's been on my mind.

When I was in college I started coloring my hair. I wanted to try different colors. For a long time I stayed with Red. But I've tried pretty much every color. At first the coloring was just to be able to "change things up" whenever I would get bored with my hair. Then I started to find the silver.

Yes silver. My mom's head is covered by beautiful white hair, so is her mom's and so is her sister's. I love my mom's hair. It's really beautiful. She's had it since I was young. In fact I have very few memories of her before her hair turned white. (She had me when she was in her 30's.)

Then the hair coloring turned from "changing things up" to "covering the gray". And I found that I'm fighting a losing battle so I decided to go "au natural" and embrace my platinum roots.

I cut my hair short in order to make the growing out process easier. I am now at the point where one more cut and my hair will be color free and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I want to like myself the way I am. I really do. And I was struggling with my "aging" until I saw this story on the Today show.

After seeing that story I am able to remind myself that I am blessed to be aging the way that I am. That it's okay to be getting older.

I will embrace my gray/platinum and the slight wrinkles around my eyes, yes I will.

I can still be young at heart.

Monday, February 1, 2010

She is Love

Another one of my favorite songs right now. And very fitting for this month. Enjoy....She is love by Parachute.