In this blogging community I often read posts about how other bloggers dislike reading blogs where everything is perfect. You know the blogs that I am talking about.
The I have have perfect kids, a perfect house, I am happy all the time, I have the best husband in the world and we have a fabulous s.e.x. life, Blogs.
(Okay I know there aren't a lot of blog posts about the s.e.x life part but it helps you get the idea)
I have pondered on this. I have wondered why women feel the need to put themselves forward in such a manner. Especially if it is a front. Is it because it makes them feel better about themselves? Is it because if they write it then it must be true? Does it make them feel superior?
Then....I have wondered, maybe, if my blog comes across in such a manner. And I have thought, if it does come across this way, why is that?
Just let me say, right here and now....I do not have a perfect family.
I do not come from perfect family. I do not share everything here on this blog. What I do share I try to make upbeat. So why is that? Why? Well let me tell you what I think.
I am the seventh of 8 children. There is a five year gap between myself and the next oldest child. So my younger brother and I could be considered "tail enders". There are 13 years between me and my oldest sibling. Some of those older siblings made choices that weren't so great. Those choices caused my mom and dad a lot of pain and heartache.
I silently watched that pain and that heartache and at a very young age made the decision that I never wanted to do anything that would add to any tears to the ones that my parents had already shed.
I know you are thinking "What in the world does this have to do with anything about anything about blogging or 'fronting' for that matter?"
I know you are thinking "What in the world does this have to do with anything about anything about blogging or 'fronting' for that matter?"
It has to do with it because the reason that I try to post things that are upbeat and happy is because I don't want to cause any pain or heartache to anyone out there because of something that I post. It's not because I want you all to think that I have a perfect life or that I am happy all the time. It's because I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to hurt.
Weird I know but true.
I do try to keep it real. I really do but I also don't want to be a "Debby Downer" or focus on the negative. I have people that I know who do this and it can take over your whole life. It's horrible. And I know that if I let myself I could totally go down that road. Completely. Trust me on this.
Hopefully you can sense that I am trying to be real and not put on a front. Sometimes I wish I could share more but I don't feel that would be wise. To me this is a very personal blog and I do share a lot of myself with you and as Kathleen Kelly would say..."Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal. " Don't you think?
20 comments:
I think what you said is basically the reason it looks so sugary out in blogland. None of us really want to dwell too much on the crap of our lives!
Blogs aren't personal...they're business.
Sorry, couldn't help but throw out a Joe Foxish-type quote to add to the mix.
I think you're right. Just because someone chooses to focus on the good, doesn't mean that their life is perfect. Personally, I try to focus on that which is good because it is a reminder of all of the great things in my life, and also all the things that I should be grateful for.
I agree. You can be honest and personal without being depressing. We've all had 'potholes' along the road of life...doesn't mean we need to wallow in the mud and bring others along with us.
Personally, I like to blog because it's an outlet that lets me be a little goofy sometimes. :)
Okay for some reason I lost a whole line of my comment. Let's try this again.
I try to be as real as possible. But I don't like to focus on the negative either. And I dig that about you. :)
I have never thought you were fronting.
There are a few blogs I read that make me want to throw up because everything seems so perfect. And then there are blogs I read that make me uncomfortable because they air dirty laundry, throw people under the bus, talk trash about what's going on, etc. I think there needs to be a balance.
I've never felt like you were putting on a front. Your kids aren't perfect, your husband isn't perfect......YOU are perfect, but that's not a front. ;o)
I really can't think of a blog I read that's too sugary. Or too "real." Probably just because if they are, I don't go back.
LOVE the Kathleen Kelly quote.
I have never gotten the idea from anything you have posted that you think your life is perfect. I have also never felt that you are a "Debbie Downer. I think your blog is realistic, with a little bit of snark. Just perfect!
I have never felt like you were putting on a front.
And I totally agree.. you can be really and focus on the good in life. That is just what I try in do in life in general. There is so much crap and negativity out there that it is okay to be happy and for there to be good things.
But I also try and tell the bad too, espeically if it something I think others may be struggling with and we can all wallow together :)
Focusing on the good is what we should all be trying to do isn't it?
I'm with Kristina and think we need a good balance. If I really thought everyone had the perfect life, I would want to shoot myself out of sheer frustration!
Shana-
You have the perfect balance. I like to use my blog as a personal journal a lot of the time. Oftentimes I write about how I'm feeling and thoughts in my head. But I also know that once I vocalize it (through my blog) it solidifies it a little more. So, I DO try to remember the happy, funny moments so I don't think my life is all about ear infections and diarrhea.
I think you're optimistic as well. But maybe cuz I know you in real life. ;)
I hope I don't come across one way or the other on my blog. I don't dare ask though. haha
I think being positive and fake are two different things. I think you are doing a good thing by honoring your parents.
Being a Debbie downer, can be equally hard in the excess!
I say there needs to be a balance.
It's probably not my place to say anything. I don't know you, and have no idea where you are coming from or where you have been. I think the risk of not being willing to be real (negative), a person can come across as a little better than the rest of the world even though I seriously doubt that is the intent. Just a thought.
I have read blogs or facebook pages where people don't try to stay upbeat, and the negativity always makes me really uncomfortable. We all have trials in our life, but if we spend all our time focusing on them, we won't be able to see all the good that comes along too. You're not sugary, just optimistic.
For me, when I have to deal with negative stuff I'd rather just deal with it and get it done and out of my life. When I blog about it, then everyone knows, they ask me about it, it's out there and honestly I just dont like talking about unhappy things.
For me I'd rather just enjoy life on my blog. It's our own space and our own place to play and we can do whatever we want with that area.
Those are great thoughts Shanna. And in some ways I can relate to you on the whole sibling thing. Except that I was one of the kids that put my parents through some though times and heartache. Now that I'm out of the fog I want to make everything better and try to stay positive. But, no one can kid themselves.... even if their life in perfect in blog world, they know deep down that it's not and I think in the end it's hurting them more by lying about it.
I love reading you blog! Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE REAL! (and I look up to you)
There is no frontin' on this blog, in my opinion. I feel like you do a perfect job drawing the line between being honest and being too personal.
As for me . . . I complain enough in real life. I don't need a record of it on my blog.
Maybe I am too graphic on my blog sometimes. ;)
I've read the TAMNer blogs, and the complete Debby Downer's...and it gets old.
I agree with everyone else that I never thought you were putting up a front.
I often find myself getting into a downward streak with my posts, and take it as a challenge to try to see things in a brighter light. Does that mean I have the perfect family....ummm, NO! But we all enjoy putting up pix from family outings and vacations to share in what brings us joy!
I think most people are like you. They aren't perfect, but they try to stay upbeat.
It's pretty much the same for me, but when bad stuff does happen, I tend to deal with it privately. But that's just the way I am.
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