Be Still, My Soul

Today I taught the Laurels (the 16-17 year old girls) in my ward. Not my usual gig. I was filling in for their regular teacher who is out of town. The lesson was on Personal Records. Great lesson. It was probably more for my benefit that I was asked to give this lesson than it was for the girls. How is it that that always seems to happen?

I told the girls I have not been a very good journal writer. I look back now and feel pretty bad because I did not write about my wedding day, nor the days that any of my children were born. How sad is that?

There is one short entry noting that my husband asked me to marry him but nothing about our courtship (look at me all 1800's) or anything. Just that short note. And again nothing about our wedding day.

Basically I suck at writing things down. Which is part of the reason I started this blog. In hopes that I would become better at documenting my life.

And I have found that many, nay, most of the time when I write in my "paper" journal that it's to get things off of my chest or complain, when I am struggling. That's not great. Because then whoever does read my journals (like I have more than one) will think that I led a hard life full of sorrow.

Which I haven't. My life has been one of relative ease. Not to say that I haven't had my struggles. Obviously I have because that's what I've written about, privately.

I try to keep things here on the blog upbeat. Because, you know, trials? They can be such downers. And yet we all need to know that everyone struggles and has trials. In fact the past few months have been really, really difficult for me.

I would go so far as to say that I've been dealing with depression. Okay, not really dealing with it, more like not dealing with it. Most days I did just what was necessary to get the kids dressed, fed and out the door to school. And did just the bare minimum around the house so as not to worry my husband.

I am starting to come up for air. And actually this wasn't what my post was supposed to be about but I'll leave it out there. It does tie in with what I wanted to write about. An experience that I had in Sacrament meeting during our rest hymn. I'm writing it down because of the lesson I gave. I want to have this down somewhere. For me.

The theme for this month is dealing with adversity. How about that?

The rest hymn? Be Still, My soul.

Here are the words.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

I have always loved the scripture in Psalms 46:10 and in Doctrine and Covenants 101:16 "Be still and and know that I am God." And we actually read Doc. and Cov. 101:16 today in Sunday School and then to have this song as the rest hymn....

As we were singing this hymn the part that stood out to me the most was the first part of the second verse.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

Oh how my confidence and my hope have been shaken! Shaken to the core. And that, I believe is where the depression has snaked it's way into my life. I needed to hear that my future will be guided by my God. As my past has been. Oh how He has guided me in the past! How I needed that reminder. That gentle nudge to remind me that He is still there. Guiding my life, leading me if I will let Him.

I need to let Him.

Be still, my soul. Everything will be as it should.

Here is a version of the song that I like. It's done by a group from BYU called Vocal Point.