I have dreams of orca whales and owls

Regina Spektor (if you don't know this girl you totally should. I LOVE her voice.) and the Hotel Song. Love it. Check it.



And because I'm a giver.... Better

Unsolicited Advice

Just some advice from me. Things I've made note of in my head and feel others could benefit from...or not.

• If you are an author and want people to be surprised by the ending of your book don't put a picture of that ending on the front cover.

• Also if you are an author and your book gets made into a movie. Don't let Hollywood completely change the ending of the book in the movie. I don't care what the Hollywood executives told you or paid you. Your ending in the book was the way it was supposed to be. Any other ending just isn't right.
  

• If you get your hair cut like a certain mom who has eight kids and is getting a divorce from her husband expect some stares and know that other moms are probably making comments about it. If not to your face then they are thinking it. I know I was.

• If you don't eat many raw vegetables and then all of the sudden start up, expect that your digestive system is going to make some noise about it. And it won't be pretty.
  

• Sharks are completely amazing. Especially this one.

• If you know it's someones birthday and you call them on their birthday to discuss something that could probably wait at least a day then the birthday person will most likely not answer the phone or return your call. They are celebrating their birthday.

• A rockin' new outfit can make you feel great. Especially when your husband tells you how good you look in it as well as other people.
  

I'm provincial

At least that is what my husband told me yesterday.

On Tuesday he informed me that he couldn't find a sub for his yoga class and what did I want him to do. I told him to go and teach it. We can go out on Thursday. I'm not very fussy.

Well yesterday afternoon rolls around and I get a call from Ty asking if I wanted to go out to lunch. Sure! So he takes off early from work and we had a lovely time eating Fresh Rolls (to die for!), Sweet and Sour Chicken (non breaded...for me) and Red Curry (for Ty).

When we finished up he informed me that he was taking me shopping and that I could get pretty much whatever I wanted! Woo Hoo!

First I said that there were some cute skirts at Burlington Coat factory and then I said "Hey can I get a new Kitchen-Aid Mixer?

Ty shook his head in dismay and proclaimed "You don't have to get something for the house! I want you to get something for you. You don't even have to get clothes but if you do get clothes we don't have to go to Burlington Coat factory. You are so provincial."

This will amaze most of you but I had a hard time deciding what to get. I'm not much of a shopper. I decided that I needed some new clothes. Especially a Sunday outfit. So we went to the Mall...which we never do. And I found a couple of cute capri pants and a lovely shirt and skirt combo and two pairs of shoes.

Ty was so sweet and waited patiently while I tried different things on. The lady a Lane Bryant was trying hard to get the sale, for when she found out it was my birthday she said "Oh you are going to be 29 right?" And when I told her I was 38 special she acted all shocked. It was nice.

Thank you honey for making me feel loved and special on my birthday.

Oh and I also got that red toaster. I'm still provincial.

38 Special

Today I turn

Special.


My kids think that I'm

Which is I am proud to say is true.
I was...
To be exact.

Growing up in the 70's was AWESOME!
I loved these ladies and wanted to be one of them SO badly!
They could do anything.
Like jump out of a plane and land in a speedboat.
Or be a truck driver and the next week work in a spa where someone tried to murder them by wrapping them in hot towels.
(Why do I remember that episode most vividly?)


And this lady is still the coolest.
What? Are you shooting at her?
She can block your bullets with those rockin' awesome bracelets.
And what I wouldn't give to have her Lasso of Truth!
Feel like your kids are lying to you?
Put that golden lasso around them and get the truth out of them.
And I seem to remember her being able to huck that tiara and hit people
then have it come back to her like a boomerang.
Oh yeah.

Growing up I would spin around and around (well at least once) and pretend to become Wonder Woman. My friends and I played Charlies Angels more than you will ever know. And we all fought over who was going to be Kelly. I usually ended up playing Sabrina.

Maybe today I'll give the spinning around a whirl
(HA!)
and see if I can actually turn into Wonder Woman.
How cool would that be?
Well with out the swimsuit like costume.
I just want the jewelry and the rope
and those rockin' red and white boots
because....

Randomosity

• I am almost done with the kitchen. I have to repaint some trim around the French Doors and touch up a bad tape job on that high part above the stairs. I also need to get knobs and attach them to the doors and the drawers. Then I can start putting things up on the walls.

• I am debating whether or not to use "pops" of red throughout the kitchen.

• The debate above is because I may or may not have fallen in love with this red toaster. (and we do need a new toaster)

• I have over 500 posts in my reader (and counting). I have no idea when I'll find the time to get to them all.

• The weather is finally clearing up enough that we can start weeding again. Yippee! (said in my most sarcastic voice) Aren't those weeds aware that I've been busy inside my house? Don't they know they aren't supposed to grow when I can't get out there to pull them? Or just not grow at all. That would be best for all involved.
  

• Whoever is hexing me? It's working. The boils on both the upper and lower left cheeks have been lovely. And the one in the middle of my shoulders. Kindly stop.

• Again with the weather clearing it is now warming and the kids are wanting to go to the pool. The three older ones can go by themselves but I have to go with the youngest.
  

• I did get a new swimming suit this year. I'll probably get to give it it's inaugural run today.

• I wonder if they have Wi-Fi at the Pool?

• Probably not. So I'll just take the book I'm trying to finish. (that I just started) Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care. A story about a child with Brittle Bone disease or osteogenesis imperfecta and a wrongful birth suit. It's good so far.
  

• My dryer is still broken. It wasn't the easy fix I thought it would be. The mountain of laundry that has accumulated is frightening. Because it has been raining here I haven't been able to hang things out.
  

• I did five loads yesterday. The last two are still hanging out on the line.

• I have Young Women's tonight. I'm in charge of the treat. I was going to make a cake but the temps are going to be up and we don't have our swamp cooler in yet. So now I'm not sure. Maybe watermelon.

• Only one more day 'til the best day of June!
  

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

What quality, that you admire in others, would you like to have more of?

My dad's Father's Day gift to me

Ty and I went to the temple tonight. We have a family reunion, on his side, coming up on Saturday and this temple night was part of it. I'm so grateful that this was scheduled.

If you aren't a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and would like to know more about temples you can go here.

First off, I have been kind of dreading this weekend.

It's the first Father's Day since my dad passed away. There have been commercials on the radio about Levi jeans on sale at Reams that have almost brought me to tears. My dad loved Levi's 501 jeans and mom would go to Reams to buy them. I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with this Sunday.

Tonight as we were directed into the Endowment room and I sat down I was overcome with the feeling that my dad was there. Even before the session began.

Dad was a temple worker there in the Mt. Timpanogos temple. He and mom served there early on Saturday mornings. He loved it. Even though he had health issues and it was difficult for him he still served.

After they were released from their calling I felt bad that I never went to the temple while they were there serving. I never got to see him in his white suit. If I could go back in time that is one thing I would do. Go through a session on one of those early Saturday mornings.

As we were waiting for the room to fill up and I was looking at the temple workers who were there. Dressed in there white suits. I was thinking about not seeing dad in his. And that is when the feeling that he was there came over me.

It was amazing. He was there. I could feel it. I know it. He was there.

It was amazing and wonderful. Then as the session went on there came a point where this unbelievable feeling came over me. I knew that my dad has joy in me and in my life. That even though he is no longer here on this earth that he still keeps tabs on me. I could feel his joy and knew that I was the source of that joy.

I can't even begin to express to you how much that meant to me.

Dad and I didn't talk much. He wasn't an expressive person. I knew that he loved me. We said "I love you" back and forth whenever we would leave. I knew he was pleased with my life and the decisions I had made but it was never verbalized.

I know it now. I know it more than any words he could have said while he was here on this earth.

Then as we prepared to move into the Celestial Room I was excited. Incredibly excited. I knew that I would be able to feel my dad's presence even more so in there. I can't explain the anticipation that I felt as I stepped from the one room into the next.

Oh the love and the joy that I felt!

Ty came through at almost exactly the same time as I did and pulled me into a hug as tears fell down my face. We greeted the other family members that were there for the reunion and then went and found a spot to sit.

As I sat, I reveled in my dad's presence. In this gift that he had given me. The chance to know that he really is still there. That I bring him joy and happiness. To feel that joy, to feel his happiness.

If we could have turned around and done another session I would have. In a heart beat.

And yet I wasn't sad to leave. Why? Because I know that even if I don't have this same experience again, I've had this one. And there will be chances for others.

My dad lives. He is strong and tall, he is happy, he is healthy and he is pleased with me. In that knowledge I was able to leave the temple with an incredibly happy heart.

Families? They are Forever. It is true.*

I will see my dad again someday.

Father's Day is going to rock.

*(Want to know more about this? Go HERE.)

Thankful Thursday

It's high time I did another Thankful Thursday.
Today I'm Thankful for....

• this wonderful blogging community. You all have been so supportive and understanding. It really has been amazing.

• that the end is in sight. The painting is almost done.
  

• for fresh strawberries right off the plant from my own backyard. They are beyond delicious.
  

• songbirds

• my husband

Has pulling out a sofa bed ever made you cry?

Yeah? Me too.*

I cried because it was so full of yucky stuff. Like lint and candy wrappers. Of course no one else has sofa sleepers that look like this. They are all pristine and clean and wonderful. And they all look like this.


It's just me and my dirty house. I know it.

I'm a crappy housekeeper. I don't pull out the sofa bed once a week and vacuum it and make sure it's nice and clean.

Never mind that I've been dealing (or not dealing) with feelings of depression.
Never mind that I've got my kitchen torn apart and it's thrown up in my living room.
Never mind that my dryer is not working and it's been raining every single day for a week straight here so I can't hang anything out so I have to take laundry over to my mom's house to dry therefore making me WAY behind on keeping up with my nemesis.
Never mind that my husband was out of town for ten days so I was flying solo during that time.

My sofa sleeper is filthy and because of that an evil little voice in my head then begins to tell me that I'm a bad housekeeper which in turn makes me a bad mother and a bad wife.

It also tells me that I will never get the kitchen finished and my house will continue to be a disaster.

And it says that the three extra boys that I pulled the couch out for will SO be telling their parents that "When Aunt Shanna pulled the bed out there was all this yucky stuff on it and she had to vacuum it off. It was gross!"

Thus the tears.

Thankfully I was able to hold them back until the kids were tucked in and Ty and I were in bed. Otherwise those three extra boys would not only be telling their parents that we have a gross hide-a-bed but that "Aunt Shanna totally started to cry and lost it when she pulled the sofa bed out. I think she may be crazy."

Stoopid, evil, voice of discouragement..

"SHUT THE FREAK UP!!!!"

*Oh and if pulling out a sofa bed has never made you cry can you just pretend that it has? Thanks so much.

Be Still, My Soul

Today I taught the Laurels (the 16-17 year old girls) in my ward. Not my usual gig. I was filling in for their regular teacher who is out of town. The lesson was on Personal Records. Great lesson. It was probably more for my benefit that I was asked to give this lesson than it was for the girls. How is it that that always seems to happen?

I told the girls I have not been a very good journal writer. I look back now and feel pretty bad because I did not write about my wedding day, nor the days that any of my children were born. How sad is that?

There is one short entry noting that my husband asked me to marry him but nothing about our courtship (look at me all 1800's) or anything. Just that short note. And again nothing about our wedding day.

Basically I suck at writing things down. Which is part of the reason I started this blog. In hopes that I would become better at documenting my life.

And I have found that many, nay, most of the time when I write in my "paper" journal that it's to get things off of my chest or complain, when I am struggling. That's not great. Because then whoever does read my journals (like I have more than one) will think that I led a hard life full of sorrow.

Which I haven't. My life has been one of relative ease. Not to say that I haven't had my struggles. Obviously I have because that's what I've written about, privately.

I try to keep things here on the blog upbeat. Because, you know, trials? They can be such downers. And yet we all need to know that everyone struggles and has trials. In fact the past few months have been really, really difficult for me.

I would go so far as to say that I've been dealing with depression. Okay, not really dealing with it, more like not dealing with it. Most days I did just what was necessary to get the kids dressed, fed and out the door to school. And did just the bare minimum around the house so as not to worry my husband.

I am starting to come up for air. And actually this wasn't what my post was supposed to be about but I'll leave it out there. It does tie in with what I wanted to write about. An experience that I had in Sacrament meeting during our rest hymn. I'm writing it down because of the lesson I gave. I want to have this down somewhere. For me.

The theme for this month is dealing with adversity. How about that?

The rest hymn? Be Still, My soul.

Here are the words.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

I have always loved the scripture in Psalms 46:10 and in Doctrine and Covenants 101:16 "Be still and and know that I am God." And we actually read Doc. and Cov. 101:16 today in Sunday School and then to have this song as the rest hymn....

As we were singing this hymn the part that stood out to me the most was the first part of the second verse.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

Oh how my confidence and my hope have been shaken! Shaken to the core. And that, I believe is where the depression has snaked it's way into my life. I needed to hear that my future will be guided by my God. As my past has been. Oh how He has guided me in the past! How I needed that reminder. That gentle nudge to remind me that He is still there. Guiding my life, leading me if I will let Him.

I need to let Him.

Be still, my soul. Everything will be as it should.

Here is a version of the song that I like. It's done by a group from BYU called Vocal Point.

Something is wrong with the bread

As the kids woke up this morning I was in laying on the couch. Mckenna took the last of the yogurt so Jilli, seeing we had some jam in the fridge asked if she could have a pbj for breakfast. I acquiesced.

As Jilli was getting things ready to make herself breakfast I hear her worried voice from the kitchen, "Mom, something is wrong with the bread." I start to laugh.

Last night I had gone to an enrichment meeting on how to make bread in one hour, from start to out of the oven. (It was very cool! I will do a post about this later. It's where I had the braided Nutella dessert) My mom had made some of her homemade bread to take down there. (Yes I live in the same ward as my mom.) Her loaf of bread was still untouched so she let me take it home with a little bit of jam that she had also brought to the meeting.

As most people know homemade bread is not sliced. Since we rarely have homemade bread in this house, it was something that Jillian did not.

Thus, what was wrong with the bread.

I explained to her that was homemade bread from Grandma and told her where the sliced bread was. Her world was back to normal and she contentedly began to make her pbj from bread that had nothing wrong with it.

Two is the loneliest number that you'll ever...

Two names you go by:
1.Shanna 2. Mom

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. black jeans 2. black high heel boots

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. take pictures 2. be on the computer

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. My kitchen to be finished 2. Tyran to come home so we can go to bed

Two favorite pets you have had/have:
1. Zeke 2. Zoe

Two things I did last night:
1.slept hard 2. had a dream that we were considering having another baby

Two things you ate today:
1. pretzel crackers 2. braided nutella dessert

Two people you last talked to:
1. My mom 2. I just yelled into the boys to go to sleep

Two things you plan on doing tomorrow:
1. painting....still 2. painting some more

Trips taken in the last five years:
1. Bryce Canyon 2. St. George (we don't travel very often)

Two favorite holidays:
1. Fourth of July 2. Christmas

Two favorite beverages:
1.SoBe Lean Cranberry-Grapefruit 2. Water

*image from here

If you are looking for good music to listen to on a Sunday go to Pandora Radio and set up a Mormon Tabernacle Choir station. It's lovely. It has wonderful piano music and other songs. It's not all Mo-Tab all the time. Really. You should check it.

Keeping the Sabbath

George decided to be sick this morning. I went to church to help Jillian with her talk and then came back to sit with him.

I was a little bummed because it's fast and testimony meeting today and I do enjoy those. Ah well.

So now here I sit in the front room fighting the urge to get up and start working some more on my kitchen. I know my body needs this break. And so does my mind and spirit.

I think I'll visit some friends today. Visiting with friends is good. I'm going to try and get caught up with the 489 new posts in my Google reader. That's acceptable. Right?

Oh and a nap. A nap is definitely on the agenda. Right after my meeting for Girls Camp at 12:30.

Quick post

The kitchen threw up in my living room. Yes it did.

The good news is that now the kitchen is empty, de-goo-ed, scrubbed, spackled and textured, with a little bit of tape thrown in, I can now actually begin to paint.

The paint colors are....

Tropical Hideaway - for the cabinets
Dipping Chocolate - for the wall down the stairs
Graceful Willow - for the ceiling and the rest of the walls

Amber asked if I was going to post about the dance festival that our school does at the end of every year so I will! Amber and I got to sit together and totally talk while the principal gave instructions on where to pick up your children after it was over. But we were able to figure it out.

This festival is tradition at the school. My kids go to the same grade school that I went to. Yes they do. And I remember doing the dance festival. I loved it. When I went there every year the fourth graders got to do the "May pole". If you don't know what this is then you are missing out. It was SO cool. And it wasn't called the dance festival then. Back in the day it was known as May day. I don't remember if they actually tried to hold it on May first or not but that's what it was called.

I was going to post the video's but they are taking longer than I have time for to load so you'll have to be happy with pictures.

First up came Amber's daughter doing a patriotic dance. She rocked it.
Then came Jillian doing a Samoan Slap dance. I didn't get any actual pictures of her out doing the dance because I was filming it. Doesn't she look cute with her braids and lei?

McKenna came next and again I got no pictures of the actual dance because I was recording it on the camera. But here she is afterwards at home with her lava lava reinacting doing the hula.
And then George's class did a song to Kung Fu fighting. I actually got a couple of shots of him walking onto the field before the festival and then as his class ran onto the field for the dance. Doesn't he look ready to Kung Fu fight you?So there you have it.

I'm still here. Hopefully this kitchen will be finished up by next Tuesday. That's the goal.

Until then pray for me living in the midst of kitchen puke.