Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Clicking and Vibing

You know how there are some people that you meet and you just click?  Smiles form.  Laughter ensues.

And there are other people that you don't click with right away but gradually as you learn more about each other the click comes. The smiles come a little more slowly and the laughter may be a tad more subdued but it's there. And it gets louder with time.

There are also the people that you really think you click with.  People that you would love to hang out with and do things with but that clicking doesn't quite feel mutual.

Then there are the people from whom you get a definite dislike vibe.  That as you chat with them or are in certain social situations with them you get the distinct feeling that they really don't like being around you. There is no effort made to come and chat with you in social situations.  There is just "the vibe".

It's not that they hate you but you don't really have a lot in common and in the course of trying to find some compatible conversation piece to land on you find that you are grasping at straws.  If you bring up your interests to feel out where there may or may not be a common interest they show a kind of disdain or distaste for the things that you enjoy and you can tell that they don't really want to know more about you?  They don't want to smile with you. Or laugh with you.

They are the ones that you feel that that your absence would make them infinitely more comfortable than does your presence?

What do you do in situations such as this?  Do you work harder to try and make that dislike go away?  Or do you just make it so your absence is pretty much all that there is?  Avoiding them and any interaction with them?

Me?  I do the second part.  When I come across those people with whom I get "the vibe" from I just back off.  Sometimes I get "the vibe" from the people that I've clicked with before.  So I back off.  If I feel that me being around some one is causing discomfort or annoyance I remove myself from the immediate surroundings of that person.

Maybe I should fight through the discomfort. I don't know.

I've been told in the past that I have given off "the vibe".  That there are people out there that think I dislike them.  Which is weird because I don't think I feel that way.  I guess there are people who annoy me but I do my best not to let people know if that is the case.  Because usually it's something on my end and not on theirs...if that makes any sense.

When I hear that someone has said "Well I think she hates me." when I have never voiced that opinion, to me that is someone who is "projecting" their feelings.  (Basically this person actually doesn't like me and is then projecting those feelings to me saying that I don't like them....clear as mud?)

THEN I think "So I am I projecting 'the vibe' onto people?"

Where do "gut feelings" or "instincts" fall into this whole arena?  I really don't know.

I do know that usually when I am feeling "the vibe" there is also a "gut feeling" that goes along with it and thus my desire remove myself from the situation.

And you know I'm not even sure where I wanted to go with this or even where I'm going with it.  I just had these thoughts rolling around so I wanted to get them out.

What are your feelings about "clicking" or "the vibe"?  Does this happen to anyone else or am I the only one?


Jenny Lynn said...

You asking my opinion could cause me to write a whole long book on this topic. Because, I totally know what you are saying. I struggle with this notion that maybe I am reading people wrong. Or that maybe it is just me. But, I have decided that when that vibe comes I gotta go with it. If I feel like someone doesn't like me. I don't really want to put much effort into being a friend or getting to know them. I don't like the "fake" thing! Anyways, I know I could rattle on and on. I think you and I could sit down and have a pretty awesome conversation on this topic.

the fowlers said...

sometimes i feel like i get along well with almost everyone (maybe i'm just oblivious), even just acquaintances. when i do get "that vibe" it isn't often and usually i have no idea what to do.

i'm experiencing something like that right now, and it involves my kids so i'm a little bit extra invested, but my plan right now is to fake it until i make it (if i ever do). i have not had one conversation with this person that hasn't been awkward but i'm playing as nice and friendly as i can and trying to understand her. it makes it slightly less awkward but not much. i'm hoping time will help because this person isn't going away any time soon!

Lisa Summerhays said...

I fear I am one to give off the vibe that I don't like people. I am not one of those first time smooth conversation kind of gals. At first I give short answers to questions and don't really come back at you with questions or comments. Awkward, that's me. I take awhile to warm up to people and then once you get to know me I'm outgoing and can carry a normal conversation.

I avoid people like the plague I feel don't like me. Who wants to feel the negativity?

Mary said...

I think it all depends on the situation. There are people at work I don't like personally but are good workers, then there is one person in particular that I avoid like the plague.

I'm never rude or outwardly ignore these individuals because that would make for a horrible work environment. I simply don't go out of my way to interact with them, but when I do I'm always smiling and try extra hard to be super nice. Does that make sense?