Before my head explodes

!!WARNING SERIOUS VENT AHEAD!!

Okay it's been an hour since this incident occurred so hopefully I can get my words out there in some semblance of order and coherency.

If not forgive me.

I took Jona out to lunch for his birthday this afternoon. We decided to check out JCW's burgers. We got there before the majority of the lunch crowd, for which I am thankful. That way I didn't have to spend any extra time next to the "gentlemen" who sat down next to us just minutes before we left.

JCW's has a "sports bar" feel to it and they have four large tv's up around the dining area. On every screen, of course, there was something that had to do with the firing of Joe Paterno. I am by no means a sports fanatic but you can't turn the tv, radio or computer on without hearing about this.

Jona and I had a nice lunch and we were finishing up as the lunch crowd started to roll in. A group of about 6 or 7 guys on their lunch break had placed their orders and had taken seats in tables to the left of us. Almost immediately they start talking about what is going on with Paterno.

Their conversation went something like...

Hey did you hear about Joe Paterno getting fired?

Yeah. That's messed up.

Did you see what those college kids did?

Yeah that was cool.

Wait wasn't he fired because he sexually molested some kids.

No. It was one of the assistant coaches but Paterno supposedly knew about it and didn't do anything. He told the people above him but they didn't do anything about it either.

That's not right they should lose their jobs too.

At this point I'm kind of rolling my eyes because his superiors that knew about it have lost their jobs.

Yeah...I guess it was younger kids that were being molested and someone walked in on the assistant coach with the kid in the shower.

This next exchange. Is where my head just about pops off.

My guess is the guy was teaching him how to hike.

There was complete silence at the table.

Come on! You guys didn't even laugh at my joke.

Under my breath, but not super soft either, I say "That's because it wasn't funny" And I waited. I waited for one of the other guys at the table to say those words but they didn't. Instead another guy chimes in and says...

Teaching him how to hike (laughs). Yeah. And receive. Yeah kid you need to learn to receive this way. (scattered laughter)

I should have stood up right then and said

"No one laughed at your joke because it WASN'T FUNNY!!!"

I wish I would have had the presence of mind to say, "Do you have children? Do you have a son? Do you think that would be funny if it was your son?"

Instead, I'm ashamed to say, I just grabbed our tray and hustled Jona out the door. I was fuming.

People just don't think before they speak, or if they do they just don't care.

Child abuse in any way, shape or form is unacceptable and it's people like those men at that table who make small "jokes" like those that make it easier for children to be abused because, hey, it's funny right? It's not. It's serious.

And it angers me that there are people out there who would make light of such a horrible, horrible situation and it seems that in this day and age that this occurrence is much more common.

People today say and write the most horrific things. I wonder, in the past have people always had those horrid thoughts and just kept them to themselves because the society was so much more polite? Or have we sunk so far that it's okay to laugh at anything?

Sarcasm is rampant...it's okay to say something sarcastically right? That way you don't really mean it. Words said in sarcasm have a way of hurting just as much as those said in all sincerity. (And hey, I'm just as apt to use sarcasm as the next person so I'm speaking to myself on this one as well.)

People, please. THINK before you say something. Try putting yourself in the place of another. How would you like it if those words were being said to or about you....or someone you love.

All those jokes about being careful about picking up a bar of soap in the shower at the prison are hilarious. Until...

Until you have loved ones whose choices have placed them behind bars. Then those "bar of soap" jokes, not so funny. Why? Because then all of the sudden that horrible thing that you were just laughing and joking about? THAT could be happening to someone you love.

Not so funny then is it.

Think, people. Please. Can we return to SOME form of civility?

I have a feeling that this will fall on deaf ears, or eyes, as it were. I have found that the people who need to see and hear this the most are the ones that are the least like to read this. And if they do they either;

A. Won't see themselves as part of the problem

or

B. They just won't care.

I also realize that this blog has a very limited audience.

I just needed to get that out before my head exploded. I'm glad to say that, so far, it's still intact.

Being a Mom

That's what I'm thankful for today.

17 years ago today I became one. I never realized (and probably still don't) all that that entails. Some days I don't feel all that much older than my, now, 17 year old.

You know how moms are supposed to be all "in charge" and "on top of things"?

Well most days I just feel like I'm along for the ride with my kids. I try not to shatter the illusion of control for the sake of my kids. Someone needs to pretend they have it all together.

I do love it, though. I love the challenges and the growth that have come with that title. I love the laughter and the tears that it has brought me these past 17 years.

But mostly?

I just love those 4 kids that chose me to be their mom...the tall one extra-specially today.

Jona, one day old. My goodness could you just SQUISH those cheeks?!?!?

p.s. I have been doing the thankful thing everyday on FB just not here on the blog. Need to work on that.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes!

Today I am thankful for change. And for my ability to adapt to changes fairly quickly and easily.

I love change.

Just ask my family and friends. My hair color and style change frequently and the furniture in my living room even more so. I wish someone would design a kitchen where you could rearrange everything without remodeling. That would be heaven.

I love living in an area where we get to enjoy the changing of the seasons.

I love watching my kids grow and change. I know that many people bemoan the fact that they don't want their kids to grow up. I'm not that person.

I'm not sure what this says about me but I really, really do love change.

And today that's what I'm thankful for.

Now here's something we can all be thankful for... a song from the Brady Bunch!

My Better Half

Yesterday evening I learned that a friend from high school had lost her husband. She laid him to rest yesterday morning, on what would have been his 40th birthday. My heart and my prayers go out to her and her children at what must be the most difficult time of their lives.

When something like this happens it seems to bring things into super sharp focus.

Therefore, today I am incredibly thankful for Tyran. Thankful for our relationship.

This last little while has been a period of "growth" for us. Probably more for me than for him. He has been willing and open to listen to me, to all of my concerns and my fears.

Tyran puts up with a lot. He has put up with my love of change....from the constant change of the furniture in our home to the constant change of my hair color and length. He puts up with my poor house keeping skills and my lack of skill in the kitchen with little or no complaint.

He puts up with my insecurities and my idiosyncrasies. He lives through my "moods" and loves me in spite of them. He puts up with my teasing.

He goes to work at a job that, although it's a good job and he likes it, he doesn't love. I know he would much rather be teaching yoga full time and he sacrifices his personal happiness to provide for myself and for our children.

He loves the Savior.

He loves me.

He loves our kids.

He honors his priesthood.

We balance each other out incredibly well and I am so thankful for that. Sometimes I wonder what other people think when they see us together. Especially if they know us very well at all.

He has been, and continues to be, incredibly patient with me.

He loves me extra baggage, extra poundage and all.

I don't know what I would do without him.

If it wasn't for him I have a feeling I would be single, lonely, bitter and unwilling and possibly unable to trust.

I hope I never have to know life without him by my side. I know that at different times during our relationship where he has longed for the simpler life of a hermit. I'm thankful that he chose differently.

I want him to know how much I love and appreciate him.

He is my better half....thankfully.

For Tyran.

It really is so sweet to be loved by you.

My Progeny

See these kids right here?

They are my Progeny.

(I am using that word,

progeny,

in a probably futile effort to appear more intellectual.)

prog·e·ny

1.

a descendant or offspring, as a child, plant, or animal.

2.

such descendants or offspring collectively.

3.

something that originates or results from something else;outcome; issue.

I am thankful for them today.

And every day.

They are great kids, like, SUPER GREAT kids.

They have helped me become the person that I am today. I wouldn't be who I am without them.

That is an old picture of them but it's my favorite and probably how they will forever remain in my mind as the years continue to pass.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that they are perfect because they aren't. We've had our share of melt downs and days that were (and are) full of hair pulling, screaming and tears... both them and me.

And I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be difficult days to come, possibly more difficult than I can imagine.

It doesn't matter. I will go through anything for those four spectacular, shining spirits.

I love them more than I ever could have imagined before having kids. I enjoy watching them grow so much. It amazes me how they change and grow, sometimes from day to day. They are respectful and loving and helpful.

And they are friendly. That's one of the things about them that just makes my heart all warm and fuzzy.

We laugh together....a lot. And I can't even begin to express enough how much I love that.

I could go on and on and on about them so I'll wrap it up with this....

Yesterday I checked their grades from the first semester of this school year. All four of them had all A's and B's. This is Jilli's first year to get letter grades so this is kind of new to her. She had all B's. George struggled early on in his Pre-Algebra class and was able to pull it up from an F at mid-term to a B! McKenna's lowest grade was a B+ and the rest were A's and A-'s. And Jona? Jona pulled straight A's and one B+. He even got an A in Chemistry.

Okay I lied, I'm going to go on just a smidge more.

I would love my kids just the same if they got lower grades. But I am thankful that they work hard in school and that they are learning....and their grades reflect that.

Okay, now I'm done.

Thankfully ;)

Listen

I lay in bed this morning listening to the soft sounds above my head of my daughter shifting and moving around trying to get comfortable I was trying not to be annoyed by the squeaks that her movements were causing, keeping me from falling back into sleep for another hour or so.

Then I realized that was thankful for those squeaks.

Well not necessarily the squeaks themselves but I was thankful for the ability that I have to hear those movements. That I have the ability to hear at all. You may have seen this video if you haven't take a minute to watch.

There is a song that I grew up singing with a line in it that says...

"He gave me my ears that I might hear. The magical sound of things."

There are sounds that are truly magical.

Water flowing in a stream

The song of the first robin of Spring

Laughter of a child

A newborn's first cry

The words "I love you" whispered into your ear

So many wondrous and beautiful sounds.

So today I am thankful for my hearing. I hope that it sticks around for a long time.

Options - Choices if you will.

This morning I after family prayer and Ty had left for work, the kids were back in their beds and I climbed back into mine but my mind wouldn't shut off. As I lay there gears spinning, thoughts churning about different things going on in my life, I realized I was slowly spiraling downward. Not a good thing. I thought maybe if I got up and got in the shower I could turn things around.

As I stood there under the warm water, negative thoughts still flowing around me I realized something.

Today is November 1st

November. The month that we celebrate Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving. Giving Thanks. Gratitude.

And here I was,

I had just had a good nights sleep, safe and comfortable in a warm bed, next to an amazing man. I had been able to kneel down surrounded by family and have family prayer while the rain fell and the temperature outside dropped. Here I was standing under a flow of clean water at just the perfect temperature...

taking it all for granted.

I was CHOOSING to focus on those negative thoughts. Choosing to fall deeper into that downward spiral.

That was when I remembered last November. When I had started up an event called "A Month of Thanksgiving" on Facebook. I even tried to do that here on the blog.

So I decided, I CHOSE if you will, to focus on the things that I had to be thankful for. I got out of the shower, fired up the old computer, logged on to FB and proceeded to make this November like the last. I created another Month of Thanksgiving event for this year and started to focus on what I am thankful for.

At 7:25 a.m. as I am adding friends to the invite to this event, I realized that none of the kids were up. Jona's school starts at 7:45. I went upstairs and got things moving. He stepped out of the car in front of the school at 7:40 while finishing up a piece of cold pizza for breakfast and a pocket full of mints so his breath didn't stink. The traffic getting out of there was intense so I took a longer route home.

George and McKenna had left while I was dropping Jona off. Their classes start at 8:15. The phone rang at 8:10. George had left his binder that contains everything he needs for each class at home. So out into the rain (which was coming down much harder now) I went to take George's binder to the school.

side note: the kids get one "free pass" where I am willing to do something like this for them

Even with the creation of that event and the reminder to be thankful I was STILL having to really work at not focusing on the negativity. I felt like some sort of magnet for the negative today.

But I'm not a magnet. It's an option that I have available to me.

I have the ability to CHOOSE to focus on the negative or on the positive. No one is forcing me either way.

It's my choice.

And boy howdy am I thankful for that choice.

So as I start off this Month of Thanksgiving I'm thankful for Choice and my ability to choose.

What are you Thankful for?

Care to join me as I strive to be thankful this month?

If you do feel free to take this button.

Feel free to share.

The world needs more than one day of Thanksgiving. Don't you think?